Tips for having an amazing relationship with your children

Many a mother is at a loss as to why trying to get close to their children feels like they are banging their heads against a wall. The more they give it a try, the more frustrated they get with the outcome and the child seems to recede behind a wall the mother cannot get through. Building a positive relationship with children is like raising a building from foundation, so much depends on the foundation.

Tips for nurturing an amazing mother-child relationship

• No name-calling: this act makes a child feel worthless, shamed and retreat into herself. 
• Discipline individually: it is preferable to call a child aside and discipline. doing it in front of other siblings may make a child feel demeaned, like she never does anything right. 
• Do not talk when angry: sometimes 'letting a child have it' can go the wrong way. Disciplining when in a foul mood will make you go overboard. Correct them gently and in a loving manner.
• Respect for privacy: when a child tells you a secret, know that your relationship depends on it. It should not be common knowledge to every member of the family.Where this has to do with an abusive or dangerous issue, seek proper help that will not expose the child to being teased at home.
• Apologize when you are wrong: your kids need to know that you are human too and you do make mistakes sometimes and they will not try to live up to an unattainable image you have created for them. This will also teach them to do same when they are wrong.
• Affirm your kids: letting your kids know you love them often can never be too much. This gives them assurance and confidence in you as a parent and make you their confidant.

Can you make amends?

I like to think we can always retrace our steps. Acknowledge what you did wrong to you children and work out some modalities to be a better parent. However, where the children are now grown all you can do is give an apology and hope they can get some closure, forgive you and move on.

    What if you suffered form an unloved childhood? For the sake of your own peace of mind, it is advisable that you forgive your parent. They probably did not even know better, who knows, maybe their childhood was worse than yours. There are no excuses, I know, but you need to drop the weight. Only then can you move forward, learn from their failures and get help from a professional where necessary. Your children will thank you for it.

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