Demystifying the Hush Around Miscarriage

What is Miscarriage?

    Miscarriage is the detachment of a growing fetus from the womb. Some are small enough to leave the womb alongside the flow of blood, others may need a medical procedure to remove them. It most likely occurs in the first three months of pregnancy. Most miscarriages occur because of a deficiency in the chromosomes. The fetus is not developing as expected, and not an occurrence resulting from an inherited issue from parents. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the loss of a fetus. Some people are of the opinion that excessive physical exertions, lifting something heavy and even bending down to do a chore can lead to a miscarriage.  

    The experience may vary according to individuals but it is accompanied by stigma, shame, guilt and pain. Stigma comes from our culture who do not want to discuss it and somehow blame you for it, shame from being accused of being responsible for something that is totally out of your control, guilt from you feeling that you somehow failed to do something that resulted in the loss of your baby and pain, both physical and emotional from your dashed hopes and dreams. Studies has it that 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage. This is more common than we realize and it makes the hush surrounding the subject even more questioning. Some women have suffered through more than one miscarriage in the process of trying to raise a family because of health reasons.

The Mystery Behind the Hush

    A lot of women do not reveal their pregnancy status until after the first trimester, when the baby is considered more stable. So even if miscarriage occurs, it is under wraps because no one knew in the first place. Some cultures think the pregnancy could be jinxed if it is revealed early. I have often heard a woman deny being pregnant even when it's obvious and I wondered why. She would claim to have had a heavy meal. My journey to motherhood has given me a glimpse into some of these issues because I have had the opportunity to chat with other mothers as we await our turn to see the doctor and even in church. I have come to understand that under different circumstances (if I was not pregnant), I would not be privy to these discussions.

    The pain of a miscarriage is often downplayed causing less women to open up. You would hear an insensitive comment like, "it's a normal thing," or "you can always try again." This is forcing the woman to try to forget about her loss and move on as if it's that simple.

    Contrary to popular opinion, miscarriage is still a hush topic especially in a clime like mine. There is still so much misconception and though a lot has been written about the topic, so many people have continued to maintain a closed mind about the subject matter. This has made it a taboo topic and linked it to stigma and shame thereby making some women resistant to seeking proper medical attention hoping it will go away on its own. This in turn places them at health risk that could further complicate the matter.

    Some people are of the opinion that it is a private matter and should only be discussed by the couple involved. Probably because they cannot offer the comfort that is needed or have never been in that situation and do not have the coping mechanism so it is considered a matter to be swept under the rug. It can be a sad experience carrying on as if nothing happened when you feel traumatized.

My Experience with Miscarriage

    I was pregnant with our first baby three months after our wedding. You can imagine the joy that comes with it, the planning and even dreaming up names. About 11 weeks into the pregnancy, I noticed a drop of blood one morning and I was on my way out. I simply used a pant liner and went out. By afternoon I felt blood flow and I hurried home. As I bathed, a lump dropped on the bathroom floor. It wasn't all blood and it could fit into my palm. That was when I knew I had lost my baby. Then the pain came in torrents. I was taken to the hospital, a scan was carried out and it confirmed my suspicion. Most of it was out already and an evacuation was not compulsory. I was given some medication and that was it. 

We have family and friends who came to visit and pray with us. A few shared their own experience and it gave us hope to try again. Two months later, I was pregnant again, carried the baby full term and had a normal delivery. The pain of loss may be long gone but I have not forgotten it happened and I don't think I ever will. I do open up about it with people just experienced with the hope that they will not feel so alone. Sharing your story gives other people hope.

    I was familiar with the subject matter of miscarriage but I was ignorant of the symptoms. It didn't occur to me that the drop of blood I saw marked its onset neither did I think about seeking medical help early so I would not be termed a 'worrier.' 

Why it is important to talk about miscarriage

Even in developed countries with access to the best medical care, many of these facilities still fall short of offering grieving families the needed care to deal with their loss. 

• It can help save lives and wombs. Ignoring it and hoping it will go away has caused many women to lose their wombs due to infection.
• It can give the grieving perspective because you do realize it's not because you are unlucky, women of all ages have experienced it.
• It can help others know when it occurs and to seek medical help.
• Knowledge will help challenge misconceptions surrounding the subject matter.
• It can create an environment of sensitivity and empathy for the grieving because it acknowledges their loss and provides the much needed support.
• It helps you realize that you are not alone, you are surrounded by other women who have experienced this loss the vast majority of whom have healthy children thereafter.
• It gives the grieving hope, that their case is not special and they can try again.
• Some women have gone on to have mental health issues after this experience of loss which could have been avoided if she had an enabling environment to deal with it.
• Being armed with knowledge can lead to early medical care and prevent the occurrence of stillborn.

    Now that we are armed with this knowledge, we are in a position to create an enabling environment for women who are suffering in silence. If they broach the topic with you, it means they want to talk about it. Offer a listening ear and empathize, you could be bridging the gap between her and mental illness. let us do our best to make this world a better place for us all. Please do your part by sharing this article and follow us on Pinterest and Facebook. Thank you!