The Confidence Guide To Stop Your Child From Being Bullied

  

    Bullying has become very rampant and the most surprising issue is how little children have learned to subject their contemporaries to this torture. It is happening everywhere - at school, church, along the road, wherever kids are without someone looking after them. It reminds me of an experience I and my brothers went through while in primary school. Our school was a short walk from home and there was this older boy who liked to torment my elder brother. He would grab his bag and take his pen, pencil or crayons and it went on for almost two weeks before we told our dad. Our dad went with us to the boy's house, told the boy's parents what was going on, and the boy was reprimanded and asked to return what he took from my brother. From that day on, we passed by his house and we didn't see him again. For the life of me, I wonder why we did not report the case earlier. Now that I'm looking back, I have learned that bullying does not go away on its own and your child could be suffering in silence without your knowledge. So if you have questions like, how do I teach my child to stand up for himself? How do I know if my child is being bullied? How do I help my child who is being bullied? How do I teach my child to be assertive? They will be discussed in this post.

What is bullying?

    Bullying is carrying out premeditated torment on another person physically, psychologically and verbally. It can take the form of name-calling, cruel teasing, hitting, shoving, threats, mocking, forcefully taking away another's possession and even cyberbullying. There is also shunning of the victim, forcing others to follow suit and also spreading rumours about them.

     Whatever form it takes, the purpose is to unleash fear in the victim and give the bully a sense of power over them. Bullying should not be overlooked by assuming it will go away on its own, it can affect a kid's sense of safety and self-worth. The school needs to enlist the help of teachers and parents to curb this abnormality. The good news is that we can put an end to it, there are various ways to deal with it other than moving schools and home.

Why do kids bully?

     There are many reasons kids bully other kids. Primarily, it is as a result of what they are exposed to at home where it is 'normal' for them to shout at each other and name-calling when they are angry. There are also families where the parent's fight or the father beats up the mom and kids at the slightest provocation. These acts expose the child to acts of violence which soon becomes a way of life. The child goes to school and tries to subject other kids to this form of torture because that is what he knows. 

     Bullying also occurs as a result of needing to feel powerful or in control. So the perpetrators seek out a victim whom they perceive as being 'different' - could be a new kid in school, another child who appears physically weaker or smaller in size. In most cases, a bully is physically bigger than the victim but it is not always the case.

How to know a child who is being bullied

     If your child does not tell you about being bullied especially if it is not physical, you may never know but there are some warning signs a parent can latch on to when you know your kid very well. They include:

• Trying to avoid going to school or certain situations where the bully might be involved like walking to school, taking the bus, or playing outside.
• They act differently and seem anxious or uncomfortable especially when they leave home.
• They want to stay close by all the time and find excuses to do so.
• They no longer enjoy activities they like when they are unsupervised. They
•  seem moody and are easily upset.
• They don't eat well or sleep well.
• They engage in negative self-talk.

     If you have reasons to believe your child is being bullied, find a less confrontational way to ease the topic into a conversation because asking outright may not get you the desired result. Let your child know that bullying is not right whether is happening to them or someone else and it is important that they talk about it with an adult who can step in like a teacher or you, the parent.

How to equip your child against being bullied

• Talk to your kid about bullying before it happens so they can identify such a situation and be armed with the right knowledge to deal with it. Let your child know that if it happens he can talk to you or his teacher at school about it.
• Teach your child not to feed the bully by responding especially when they come in a group and also not to join other kids to bully but rather stand up for them.
• Practice role-playing at home so you can equip your child with appropriate responses when faced with a bully. This will help him contain and deflect the bully's efforts and not make it worse by giving the bully power over him. You can also make a list of adults he can talk to at school when such a situation occurs.
• Encourage your child to make friends with other children and they should stand up for each other against being billed.
• Parents can also work with teachers to raise awareness against bullying among the pupils.

     As a parent, preparing your child ahead before it happens is the best defence you can give your child because you would have given them the confidence to stand up to the bully. 

     However, in a situation where your child is already being bullied, the next sub-topic will come in handy.

How to help a child who is being bullied

     There is no one-size-fits-all cure for a bullying case, it could take a combination of two or more to bring an end to it depending on the severity of the case and the age of the children involved.

• As a parent, take every case of bullying seriously. Don't assume it's normal and expose your child to torture and humiliation. Your child is your primary responsibility.
• Listen when your child talks to you about it and offer support and comfort. Usually, when children are reluctant to tell their parents about being bullied it's because they don't want them to feel disappointed, angry or upset. On the other hand, don't blame the child or try to find a reason why it is happening. It will make him anxious and may not want to talk about it again.
• Do not react against the bully or his family by avenging. You may make matters worse and your kid is already worried that if the bully finds out, it may be more difficult for him. You can approach the bully's parents if it is an out-of-school situation.
• Since most cases of bullying happen in school, let someone at the school know about it so they can watch out and take precautions against further occurrence. Keep talking to your child about it so you will know if the situation is getting better or worse.
• If you try the methods above and it is still not working, you may need to talk to the bully's parent with a staff of the school present as a witness and a mediator.
• Most schools have anti-bullying laws and regulations find out about them and let the school know that they should be enforced.
• In extreme cases where your child is being stalked or threatened with violence, contact the police also because the welfare of your child is your priority.

Rebuilding confidence after being bullied

     Bullying always has a traumatic effect on the victims and it will take some time to build resilience again but it can be done with a lot of support and encouragement.

• Always have a listening ear for your kid and let them know you are on their side.
• Encourage your child to participate in activities he is good and when he excels, it will build his self-esteem again.
• Encourage him to spend time with friends who have a positive influence on him.
• Work together as a family to help him work through this difficult time.

     It takes time and effort but a child can get over being bullied. Think you for reading and please share if you know someone who needs to read this article, thank you.