Motherhood is no mean feat, definitely not for the faint of heart. It is like a rude awakening to all my little girl dreams of marriage and family life. Don't get me wrong, it is not an entirely bad experience, not at all. I had my expectations all wrong and no matter how an experienced mother explains it to you, you will always feel like you will get the hang of it. I guess some things are better experienced than told. I wish I had taken those stories I was told more seriously, that these cute little creatures can also be a pain; that you can do one simple chore like mopping repeatedly because someone enjoys spilling liquid; that they can act like they don't understand you when they don't want to obey... I could go on and on.
Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy - Barbara Walters
The wedding euphoria fades
I was existing in a cocoon of happiness until about two months after our wedding when a guest who was also an acquaintance at an event we both attended asked me what was waiting for. I did not understand what she meant and she told me I was two months into my marriage and she was yet to see any sign of pregnancy. She jokingly told me that she is counting the days for me. I just smiled and told her to keep right on counting. This is the society we live in, your business is everyone's business. I had not given it a thought, it was just two months, not two years. And just like that, I became acutely aware of every glance neighbours, family and friends threw my way, it was like everyone around me had become a 'womb-watchers' so to speak. Hah! The pressure to get pregnant settled on me like a fog but I decided that I will not be like my namesake in the Bible who said to her husband, 'Give me a son or I die.' She did die eventually and could not nurture her most longed-for desire but I have a lot to live for.
I was pregnant in the third month after our wedding (thank God!) and I lost it two months later, I had a
miscarriage. I was
pregnant again after another two months, carried it to term and birthed a beautiful baby boy. I heaved a sigh of relief, now the 'womb-watchers' can find someone else to stare at.
The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly—indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection — Arianna Huffington
Missing pregnancy glow
I had envisioned being beautifully pregnant without the accompanying discomforts of morning sickness, bloated look, nose on overdrive, and picky eating, but it turned out that I was only dreaming. I am not sure I glowed when I was pregnant with baby number one. Morning sickness hit me and by the time relief came in the second trimester, I had lost a lot of weight and did not feel like myself much less look like myself. When I was pregnant with baby number two, I glowed during the third trimester until the day I had my baby.
The hype is not always true, pregnancy can give you a completely different look without the glow and the harder you try to regain a semblance of yourself with makeup, the worse you look. Yes, been there and done that. My face and neck also took on a darker hue unlike the rest of my body but I day I saw my friend I did not feel so awkward anymore. Her nose had swollen so much that it looks out of place! We had a good laugh at ourselves and our pregnancy looks.
The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the centre of your universe. You relinquish that position to your children - Jessica Lange
Sleep deprivation
I considered myself the queen of sleepless nights owing to years of studying at night while I was at the university and working at night when I was a research assistant. It did not work this time, it was easier to keep my mind awake than force my tired body to get up. This was by far the most difficult to adjust to. Tending to my babies during the first few weeks with sleep-drugged eyes posed a challenge in the morning. Thank God for our traditional
post-partum care by my mom. I had help with house chores that still had to be done, cooking and laundry.
Motherhood is a choice you make every day, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong —Donna Ball
Patience is key
I thought my sweet babies will do as they are told but alas, they are quick to have a mind of their own. I never knew how tasking it will be to teach a child not to do something and potty training was another matter. Yelling does not get you anywhere and I do not want to raise my children that way. I find myself praying for patience many times during the day, it's funny how mothers die for themselves every single day.
Preferential treatment
I will not forget to mention that I did enjoy preferential treatment during the times I've been pregnant. From being offered seats at functions and public vehicles, being attended to quickly at banks and making new friends. I wish I could extend the period a little 😂. These kind acts were often accompanied by teasing about how big my stomach is and how many babies were inside. I could walk past strangers and they will call out, 'big belle' or 'old school.' That's the spirit of Nigerians, they mean no offence, just a way of acknowledging a new life. I would just smile or wave and keep right on stepping all the while wondering why we can not be that friendly ordinarily.
Motherhood is wonderful, but it's also hard work. It's the logistics more than anything. You discover you have reserves of energy you didn't know you had - Deborah Mailman
In conclusion
Despite it all, I still would not wish to turn back the hands of time. As exhausted as I get to be every night, I remind myself not to hurry at this stage of my life. To enjoy my full nest before my children begin their journey on their own leaving my nest empty. I take the time to enjoy their smiles, hugs, kisses and need for me until their world grows beyond me. This is the time to build memories and I am learning to live each day intentionally with this in mind. As I go to sleep tonight, my body feels like it's one with the bed like my limbs have dissolved into the mattress but at the sound of my baby's voice, I will be up again. This is my life. How is your motherhood journey going?
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