Single Motherhood: Why The Rising Tide?

     There are many different reasons why there are single moms but there are also common experiences that are shared by most single-parent families. The challenges they face also vary according to their circumstances.

On This Page

• What is the meaning of single parenting?
• Why are there so many single parents?
• Why the stigma against single moms?
• Are kids better off with both parents than a single parent?
• Are there cultures where single parenthood is prevalent? 
• How divorce/separation affect children
• The challenges of single moms
• What are the best ways to cope with single parenting?

What is the Meaning of Single Parenting?

     So many women and men too have found themselves raising their children alone. Not all of them started out that way but life happened along the way and threw them that curve. There are a myriad of reasons responsible for raising kids alone and we will examine them in this article.

    Being a single mom makes you anxious regarding your ability to provide the kind of enabling environment that your child needs - a happy home, healthy family environment and there is also the financial aspect to worry about. Not all divorced moms have access to support from the former spouse and even those that do find that it is not sufficient. The good news is that you can, absolutely!

    The challenges faced by single parents vary according to their circumstances, but there are also common experiences that are shared by a lot of single-parent families.

Why Are There So Many Single Parents?

• The rise in single moms household can be attributed to various reasons including the rise in divorce and separation. A number of couples exchange marital vows because of an unwanted pregnancy and irreconcilable differences tear them apart.
• Some in order to guard against a messy divorce choose to cohabit. Unfortunately, cohabiting relationships are even less stable than marriage and are also failing. Perhaps due to the ease with which one can exit from it when things get tough.
• There is a rise in births outside marriage and a decline in the number of people who are getting married. Delays in marriage is occasioned by women who are increasingly joining the workforce and want to focus on their career for a time. 
• Premarital sex is more acceptable now leading to more unplanned children being born to unwed mothers. 
• A woman could also choose to start her own family without getting married and without a partner through adoption or artificial insemination. There are also cases of women getting pregnant for men but not willing to let them share in the responsibility or even being aware of the child.
• A mother may have lost her husband to death and have chosen not to remarry but to rather raise her children alone.
• Erosion of our family values is also in the core of it and sadly, many women are left to bear the brunt. There was a time  sex was the exclusive reserve of married people and men would do everything in the proper way to get it. The male folk now receive sexual favours without getting married because there are a lot of willing options to choose from. This is another reason why single moms may continue to increase. 
• There are also increasing incidents of domestic violence and women are now bold enough to say no to it and remove themselves from such situations. Rarely do these mothers leave their children behind.
• Abandonment is also an option that many husbands have chosen instead of going through a divorce. Their wives are left behind with the children.
• Lastly, there is the single mom with a child from a rape or defilement incident. They are the least talked about but they exist too and their challenges are no less different.

Why The Stigma Against Single Moms?

     This behaviour is founded on the premise of how mothers without male partners were poor and were regarded as immoral. This stereotype also has a link with gender inequality.

     Given that single parent families are now a common feature in our society, one would think that the prejudice against them is now a thing of the past. Many mothers have been made to feel isolated, stigmatised and frustrated with negative stereotypes making them even more reluctant to tell anyone that they are single mothers. The worst of it is that these remarks come from relatives and colleagues.

Are Kids Better Off With Both Parents Than a Single Parent? 

     There are no clear cut answers to this question. There are families with both parents that have not been able to create an environment that fosters healthy growth and development. In the same vein, there are also single parent families that have raise well adjusted kids. 

Are There Cultures Where Single Parenthood is Prevalent?

     It depends on the reason behind it. There are cultures that don't bat an eyelid on cohabitation, divorce or teenage pregnancies. The more lax the culture is, the easier it is to accept this situation as the norm.

How Divorce/Separation Affect Children

• Children are frightened by the strong emotions that accompany separation. If you’re a single parent going through a divorce/separation, it is helpful to remind your child that both parents love them and that they are not responsible for the unfortunate outcome of their parents' marriage.
• The breakup can take a toll on a child's academic performance and peer relationships because of  anxiety.
• The child has less time to spend with his mom because she has to work to support her kids.
• Extended family relations are disrupted.
• Problem can also arise is a mom decides to date or enter into a new relationship because they don't understand that their mom needs adult companionship too.
• A child can feel torn between both parents and think they must choose a side especially if the parents are hostile towards each other.
• Psychological effects include feeling of violence, anxiety, depression, anger, isolation, reduced social interaction, negative perception of self and sometimes suicide.

Challenges of Single Moms

• Many a single mom feel burnt out because they attempt to fill the roles of both parents as a person and as the bread winner. This is an unrealistic and stressful task.
• Single Moms feel like they don't belong anywhere, not with the married neither with single people with no kids. It can leave deep feelings of loneliness.
• Dealing with the stigma of 'single momhood.'
• The demands of earning an income, raising the kids and house chores mean the single parent may have little or no time for their own self-care. 

What Are The Best Ways To Cope With Single Parenting?

Children who are raised by single parents can be just as happy and mentally healthy as children living with two both parents. What matters is that they have nurturing, warm, sensitive, responsive and flexible parenting.

• Surround yourself with close family and friends who are basically your support system because the demands on your time and energy will increase.
• Be present for your child. Make the most of every moment, be interested in what your child is interested in and praise them often and sincerely.
• Help your child adjust to their new way of life by being supportive.
• Be kind to yourself.
• Don't make your child your confidant. Talk to other supportive adults about your worries so you don't make your kids anxious.
• Take good care of yourself. Eat well, rest and exercise often. Go out with your friends and consider talking to a professional if the need arises.

You can provide the required emotional base, clear boundaries, love and warmth that children need for healthy development and you are not alone in this.

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