The birth of a newborn baby is an exciting experience not just for brand-new parents, but for everyone who welcomes a baby into their homes. Along with the excitement comes so much demand for first-time parents who have not had much experience with a baby being dependent on them. You have gone through your newborn
checklist and everything is in place, you come home from the
hospital only l to realise that your little bundle of joy won't sleep through the night, they can also be demanding and cranky. As they grow older and come to know sights and sounds, most of them choose their mom over everyone else and when you are stressed out, you just wish they could latch on to dad instead.
When I had my first baby, every time I heard him cry I would run to the rescue. Older moms would tell me to have someone else check on him instead. I preferred to tend to my baby myself, besides when the visit is over and they leave, I had no one to help me. It was just I and my husband who was at work every weekday until late in the evening. There was a time our baby wouldn't let his dad touch him, probably because he did not know him! Every time we go out, it was the same story. He would not let anyone carry him but he would play with you while sitting on my lap. Needless to say, it was a very stressful time for me.
Why does the baby only want mom?
It is not uncommon to see babies hang on to their mom as if their lives depend on her and to an extent, it does. Your baby's preference for mom is only natural especially if the child is being
breastfed. This bond between mom and infant is formed because she is the primary caregiver. The baby receives nourishment from her and is soothed by her voice and touch. In essence, the mother meets the infant's most basic and essential needs. This preference can shift from time to time and the baby may want more of the less available parent. The downside is that this may lead to increased pressure and exhaustion for the primary caregiver.
As noted earlier, babies may also want more of the parent they see the least. Even so, they will still seek out the primary caregiver for comfort.
Your baby could also seek out your partner when you are expecting because he is less occupied. It may not always be the case though. While I was pregnant with baby number 2, number 1 still stuck to me like glue. He followed me everywhere, wanted to be carried each time we went out and he followed me to the radiologist's office for my scan appointment! Now, he goes to his dad when I'm occupied with his little sister.
How to make your baby bond with the other parent
Regardless of the reasons why your infant prefers the
company of mom, you can still bond with him. Any activity that promotes dad and baby bonding will lessen the baby's anxiety each time the mom is away. It may hurt a little that your baby rejects you but remember, it is about them and not you. Here are a few ideas you could apply to charm your way in:
- Understand that it is completely normal for a baby to choose mom over you. It has nothing to do with you as a person, just the need to stay close to where they get their sustenance.
- Getting your baby to laugh is a great start, it will ease the anxiety and make your infant feel relaxed around you.
- Ask your wife to invite you when they are at play and include you in games and other recreational activities.
- Try activities that baby enjoys doing with mom but this time, just the both of you and see how your baby responds.
- Be persistent. Your baby may cry and refuse to calm down but stay calm through it and your baby will soothe itself. Your partner has to give up running to him every time to give you a chance to bond with the baby.
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