It is a noble quest to want to be better at something, acknowledging that you do not know it all and would like some help along the way. Good parenting is a tough job, one that can try you in ways you did not imagine. Demand will be placed on your ability to be creative, resourceful and adapt to change.
Our kids are the future of our society and being better a better parent for them will influence their outlook on life and how they will raise their kids. As adults, we often recall fond memories of the times we spent with our parents as kids and the wisdom we learnt from them. There are things we copied from them and still apply in our own lives just because we learnt them from our parents! That is how profound parents' influence can be.
It goes to say that parents are the best people to nudge their children towards a positive and impactful life. As a mom, these are my tried and true parenting tips on ways to be a better mom. But first, let's discuss the why.
Why do you need to be a better mom?
Times change and what was once considered rock-solid can become obsolete. Research has uncovered better ways of parenting than our parents had access to and you cannot raise kids born at this age with old practices.
Besides, you have to fine-tune your innate nurturing ability so that you can put them to good use. It is not enough to have those abilities, being able to grow with the times and learn from other people's journeys is key to your growth to better parenting.
How to be a better mom to your kids
1. Create your family traditions. Have an activity that you do as a family weekly, monthly or regularly. A special occasion that does not need to be expensive or superfluous, what makes it special is that it's just you and the kids. It could be a special meal for Sunday afternoons, a code to pass a message when you are with other people or a secret handshake or sign. The kids will love it because they share this secret with just you and it gives them a sense of belonging and affinity with you as their special person.
2. Spend
quality time with your kids. This is not about the length of time you spend with them but the quality of time spent. It could be taking at least 10 minutes of the day to talk to each child,
be present (no glancing at the clock or your phone), ask open-ended questions and listen.
3. Show them you love them. Children thrive on affection the same way plants look to sunlight. A hug, smile, unexpected gifts, concern, involvement in their lives even at school. These actions go a long way to letting them know you love them.
4. Listen to your kids. Don't assume they misbehave just because they are kids. You have to ask why listen and read between the lines.
5. Model what you teach. Children see more than you let on and like to copy your actions. Before you demand better from them, be better. Raising kids is no field for hypocrisy.
Show them by your actions how to be a Christian, have respect for other people, etc.
6. Allow your child fail. It comes naturally to every mom to want to protect their children but it is not ideal (not including extreme cases where their lives might be in danger). Sometimes it takes water being spilt on books to know that books should not be left on the dining table.
7. Apologise when you are wrong. Don't paint an image of perfection to them, as they get older, there will see through your ruse and may lose respect for you. Admitting your wrong shows them that you are human too. It also allows them to own their wrong actions and apologise as opposed to lying and covering up.
8. Allow them to be kids. Let them play, sing dance, paint and just be little kids. Don't drum the joy out of them by constantly asking them to stop. Children learn by exploring their environment and if you are watching closely, they may be showing you where their interests lie, their
gifts and talents.
9. Acknowledge their feelings. Let your kids know that their feelings are valid and not something that should be hidden or be ashamed of but controlled. A hug in the middle of an angry outburst sends the message that it is okay to be upset, then talk about the why when the child is calm.
10. No comparison. Comparing your child unfairly with another child will cause them to lose confidence in themselves and their abilities. Don't take that route.
11. Practise self-care. Taking
care of yourself refills you to be a better mom and teaches your kids that you have needs and you are important too.
12. Talk. Talking is a sure way to know a person's mind and little kids rarely if ever pass up the opportunity to be heard. Answer their 'why' questions in an age-appropriate way. A good parent is a good listener.
13. Watch your words. A careless word spoken in anger can hurt your child and may not be easily forgotten. Use your words instead to build them up, encourage them and
pray for them.
14. Your relationship with your partner is vital. Children in a home where both parents are in a loving relationship thrive better. You are modelling better parenting for them and this builds their resilience. When they know what a healthy relationship looks like, they will not settle for less or be less.
15. Have your friends. Don't dump your mommy blues on your kids, that is what your friends are for. Your children are not equipped to handle adult matters, you will only confuse them.
16. Have mom breaks to refuel. When you feel overwhelm sneaking up on you, take a few minutes away to calm your nerves. Clearing your head will give you a better perspective of the issue at hand.
17. Do one thing at a time. Multi-tasking may be our strong fort as women but adding kids to the mix is different. Start and complete one chore or activity at a time so that you do not leave several things done halfway.
18. Introduce them early to important issues. Teach your children about
bullying and how they should handle it, sexual molestation that is now so commonplace and
money management. They will be more open to discussing it when they are very young and you will save your kids from being taken advantage of.
19. Ask for help. You cannot do everything on your own, you will break down. Ask for help from your village, or partner or pay for the help you need.
20. Praise them often. Appreciate your children when they get things done right, let them know that you are praising them not just because they got something right but because of who they are. You are giving them an identity to live up to. Notice the good that they do and give them some credit for it.
21. Try not to be rigid. Cut your kids some slack, remember that they are still learning and will get it right eventually. Gracefully meet them where they are and be consistent with them.
How to be a better mother when stressed
Being stressed is a result of asking too much of yourself. Take some time off and do something that makes you happy without taking the kids along. Go out with friends, read a book, meditate, go for a walk, take a nap, whatever works for you. Clear your head and get back in the game, you will be better for it.
How can I improve myself as a mother?
Learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them. Have a model you look up to who is successful while you are still struggling. Read books on the topic and apply the knowledge gained. Be patient with yourself and your kids, being a better mother does not happen overnight.
How to be a good mom when depressed
There are ways you can kick the
depression so you can feel better about yourself like praying more often, meditating on God's word, doing some exercise, talking to someone you can trust, practising self-care more often, getting someone to help you around the house and seeking professional help if you don't feel better.
How can I be a better mother and not yell?
There are many reasons why moms yell. Mothers sometimes yell because they have lost control over their emotions and overwhelm has set in, because that is what was modelled to you as a kid or other similar scenarios. To stop yelling, find out why you feel the need to yell and deal with it from the root. That way, you will be in control and you will recognise the triggers that send you into yelling mode.
What are the qualities of a good mother?
Being a good mother takes time, patience and work. Don't expect perfection from yourself but be the mom you are meant to be for your kids and run your race. The qualities of a good mother include but are not limited to patience, kindness, loving unconditionally, and being faithful and true.
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