A greater number of mothers in Nigeria are moving away from the concept of employing paid nannies and with good reasons. An increasingly familiar sight on weekday mornings is parents holding their children's hands and hurrying off to their bus stops juggling school bags and lunch pouches.
Many videos have surfaced on the net revealing the heart-wrenching torture babies have suffered at the hands of nannies and other domestic staff. Children who should have been under proper care are taken advantage of and who knows how many others have perpetuated these acts and have gone away with it. I have had the occasion of speaking with some young people who said that their first sexual experience was with someone who lived with them at home, not only domestic staff but relatives too.
One would think that being related by blood would mean something to some people. Parents feel safe leaving their kids in the care of relatives because they trust them to look after their kids. If they only knew what their little ones are going through.
Before the advent of paid nannies
Before nannies and other domestic staff came to stay, most households were made up of relatives of the mom or dad and friends of the family. At this time, development was not so widespread, schools were miles away from residential areas in the villages and the mainstay of the economy was agriculture. Any parent who wanted their child to have an education usually sought the consent of their relatives living in the cities. Young people also flocked to the cities in search of jobs.
Parents did not need to pay their relatives to help in the home, it was expected that as they accommodated and fed you, you would return the favour by being of help. These city sojourners would sweep the house, wash dirty dishes, go to the market to buy foodstuffs and take care of the kids who were too young to be by themselves.
Why the need for domestic staff?
1. Mothers are working. Providing for the family is no longer left to the fathers alone, mothers now work to supplement the salary received by their husbands.
Single-mother households also demand that the mother gets a job to take care of her kids.
2. To provide relief for moms so that they do not suffer burnout. Holding down the forte with little kids is tasking, moms need time to care for themselves so that they don't break down.
3. Development of rural areas is now far-reaching and schools both public and private have opened up almost everywhere as well as white-collar jobs too. There is little need for people to leave their homes for the city to get an education or a job.
Advantages of the shift from having paid domestic staff
1. Dads are becoming more involved in their children's lives and in raising them than before. Most children in times past did not have a loving relationship with their fathers because they were imposing figures who barked out orders and you dare not disobey. Children were afraid of their fathers. If a child misbehaved and the mom threatens to report the issue to the dad, there will be an immediate shift in the child's actions. Mothers knew this and wielded this power to their advantage. But now, fathers have learned to stoop to the level of their kids. They play with them, tend to them while mom is away or busy, cook for the family, do the laundry and feed the kids too. Chores that were the exclusive reserve of mothers
2. Mothers are having better relationships with their kids. They no longer hand their children off to nannies only to be brought to them when they are hungry and need to be breastfed. They are doing almost everything for their kids, pushing through the overwhelm and learning to be better mothers. They also get to know their kids better and have the chance to be the dominant positive influence in their lives. The family unit is becoming closely knit and homes are safer than they used to be with all sorts of people in the house.
3. Better parenting. Parents have realised that they can no longer expect other people to take the brunt of raising kids for them and if they fail at it, there would be no one to blame but themselves. As such, they have become actively involved and are now practising intentional parenting.
4. Children get to learn firsthand from their parents. Before now, most of the work was done by the domestic staff and other relatives while the children did nothing. Many of these children went on to become an embarrassment to their parents who thought they were doing them good by not allowing them to learn how to do chores and cook.
5. Widespread knowledge of good parenting. Parents are now seeking knowledge on child rearing more than before because they are forced to find a solution to the many challenges that raising children brings their way.
6. Creche and daycare centres. In homes with very young kids where both parents are working, the service of professionals is sought. Parents now take their kids to daycare or creche to be cared for while they are at work and this has served to boost the economy and ensure accountability on the part of the staff. This does not mean that all of these homes are entirely safe for kids, just that you can demand better service for your kids because you are paying for it and if something does happen, there will be someone to account for it.
7. Homes are safer than they used to be. A safer environment encourages children to develop social, emotional, and cognitive skills and builds resilience. The children are also protected from adapting to the nanny's pattern of life and parenting techniques that may differ from what their parents teach. Because the kids are with the domestic staff most of the time, they will more likely than not follow the nanny's pattern.
8. Children feel more secure. Now that their parents are involved in caring for them, they no longer feel like extra baggage the parents don't want to be bothered with but members of a family with loving parents.
Employing the services of a nanny is not a bad idea especially when you have a good one but they are few and hard to come by. If you have one and it works for you and your family, that's great. If you choose not to employ one like me, be ready to get your hands dirty but in the end, it will be worth your while. This is my take on nannies, what is yours?
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